Why are there more females than males in the church? It seems that Christianity draws females and drives away males. Some think it is because femaleness is encouraged in the church, whereas maleness is not. I have reflected on this question and here are my thoughts.

     It must be admitted that Christianity envisions "softness" as an ideal. It talks about loving enemies, living at peace, being submissive, generally being good in relationships. I thought about competition. I have a daughter and it seems that when we play a game, her purpose is to have fun with her dad. Now when I play with others, I usually seek to win. Now it may be stereotypical to say that females are not competiitive and males are always competitive, but I think this observation is generally valid. There may be exceptions of course.  

     The feminine is usually correlated with "softness" and the masculine is usually correlated with "hardness" , as exemplified by behavior in competition. Is masculine hardness compatible with the Christian vision? Here are my thoughts.

1. Jesus did tell his disciples to love their enemies, a soft stance. However, at times, Jesus showed a "hard" attitude. Remember how he talked to the Pharisees at one point, pronouncing woes on them. Jesus' stance towards the Pharisees was hard, not giving an inch. He did not try to be understanding towards them. I believe it is because he stands for an absolute principle, that looking down on sinners is wrong.

2. The apostel Paul's principle for the Christian life is to remain in whatever station you are, a married person must not seek to be unmarried (that would be wrong), and an unmarried person must not seek to be married (although he is free to get married). His point is that the Christian life can be lived in whatever station you are, you don't have to change your station in life to be a Christian. I extend this principle to gender, with its associations. He did not say that a man needs to be more like a woman or vice versa. Let us apply this principle through an illustration.

     There was once a husband and a wife who has a son. The husband is very hard, being absolute about wrong needing to be punished. The wife is very nurturing, her heart being broken when her son is unhappy. One day, the son stole something from his teacher and as a punishment, his teacher has him clean bathrooms. The son felt very bad and asked his parents to intervene, saying that what he is being asked to do is demeaning. What ought the parents do?

     I believe that whatever has to be done should be for the sake of the Lord's standards. On the other hand, whatever has to be done must be done with love, not destroying others. The two commandments complement each other. There are people, usually males, who care more about order (what is right). There are people, usually females, who care more about relationships. Again, this is just a general observation.

     Definitely, what has to be done should not be for the sake of revenge, the father acting out of anger towards his son blemishing the family name. What has to be done also should not be to make the son comfortable, the mother protesting his son's punishment. Both father and mother must look to what is right for the sake of the Lord's order and for the sake of everyone involved. The father's firmness is important in this situation to make sure that justice is done. The mother's softness is also important in this situation so that there is love in the midst of discipline.  Everyone must express their personalities for the sake of God's order and for the sake of loving others, not for their own interests.