Mrs. Smith was enraged as her seven year old daughter disrespected her. She felt trapped in her rage as she thought of the many times she has pleaded with the little girl to stop disrespecting her, how she has given her time outs to no avail, and how she has cared for this ingrate. In her rage, Mrs. Smith grabbed her little girl, forced her mouth open, and poured hot sauce into her mouth. It was a painful ordeal for the little girl who screamed in terrible pain.

     When we hear news stories about parents punishing their children in a way that threatens their welfare, we can't help but feel rage towards the mother or father who inflicted pain on a helpless child. What would cause parents, who was supposed to protect their child, harm their child even to the point of causing the child's death. We may judge the parents for being selfish, unable to cope with the frustrations of caring for a child. We may also choke it up to mental illness, thereby lessening or taking off responsibility from the parent who has shown utter disregard for the welfare of their child.

     The reaction of judgment is the product of a heart that yearns for justice, for wrongs to be made right. The reaction of pity is the product of an ideology that sees the human being in slavery to chemicals in his body, or to broken/inadequate bonds in childhood. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that past relationships, whether poor bonding as an infant or poor parental modeling/teaching in childhood, influences socialization in adolescence and adulthood. 

     However, this ideology could go too far as to deny the ancient teaching of the Christian tradition that all humanity is pervaded by a sinful nature. We may call it original sin, depravity, or will to power. It affects the whole human being- his thinking, his feling, and his will. It is the cause of most suffering in the world. The doctrine of the sinful nature asserts that all mankind, even babies who some think of as blank slates, has a tendency towards hating his neighbor who interferes with his desires, and hating the creator who made the world he wants to master. He will act on that tendency and thereby incur guilt, which results in death and separation from the God who made humans to love. This is the greatest problem in Christian theology.

     Acknowledging this problem will help us look at human beings with realistic grace. Realistic grace acknowledges that humans, including ourselves, are sinful and does not lessen the sinfulness of sin by changing psychological theories or making excuses. Realistic grace will help us be more forgiving, acknowledging that others disappoint us and that we disappoint others too, which lessens the overexpectation that ruins relationships. Realistic grace will help us expect more from our children's behavior, while acknowledging that they will falter, and we will have to teach them once again that there are rules we abide by for our own good and for the good of society. Realistic grace will stir us away from thinking that stronger measures of discipline will change the behavior of our children, a belief that leads to child abuse, which also conditions children to think that might makes right. Realistic grace also prevents us from going the other way, excusing our children's sin, thereby not giving them consequences, making children believe that their behavior has no consequences for them and for their world. Realistic grace will push us towards viewing discipline, not as a reaction to our frustrations, but as a teaching tool, imparting wisdom to our children as they deal with their sinful nature so that they can live in harmony with God and his world.