I was listening to a Christian radio station and heard the statement "Grace sets Christianity apart from other religions". At first I thought, but Islam proclaims that Allah is merciful and compassionate. Some devotional forms of Buddhism believe that only through the grace of a Bodhisatva can someone attain enlightenment. Devotional forms of religion, as opposed to works oriented, usually see the one devoted to as a gracious being.

     However, I took a step back and realized that grace in Christianity is qualitatively different from grace offered in other religions. Christian grace is not primarily a second chance to be better, or even aid to be good. It is true that Jesus (the one devoted to in Christianity) commanded people not to sin anymore, implying a granting of a second chance. It is true that Christians are said to be created for good works (Eph 2:10), implying that there is some sort of aid geared towards the faithful. The works of the non-faithful are akin to filthy rags.

    Christian grace changes the game. It is not like being put in probation. Christian grace is an unconditional change in relationship between God and the one faithful to Jesus. Imagine an employer-employee relationship being transformed to a father-son relationship. The faithful becomes a child of God, not because of anything he does, but his status is attained purely through Jesus. Jesus is grace finished- he gives his body for the forgiveness of sins. This is in reference both to his becoming the sacrifice for sins on the cross and also the Eucharist where his body and blood is given for the forgiveness of sins.  

    Because of its nature, Christian grace can be abused. This is something we Christians need to accept when we feel that other "Christians" are getting away with sinning. We can't qualify God's grace but we must assume that those who profess faith are the child of God. Think about Jesus' parable of the prodigal son. The prodigal who has squandered everything was immediately restored to the father. There was no intermediate status. We may say the son was repentant, but notice that the son never was blotted out of the father's heart despite his sin. Grace was always there. 

      Christian grace can be maddening. It makes us ask "Where is the justice?" That's when we look at the cross where God's justice is spent. Does this make Christianity a licentious religion? On the surface, we must admit that it is a valid perspective. Christian grace seems to contradict biblical injunctions towards righteous living.

     Without the doctrine of the Spirit, there is no way to bridge Christian grace with injunctions towards righteous living. Its that connection between the believer and God that moves him to righteousness. Its the same as that unseen connection between a mother and a son, who even as a grown man still feels the restraining power of his mother. The connection between God and the believer is the Spirit, who is a person who proceeds from the father and (through?) the son. Is the Spirit then an aid to righteousness? Yes, but notice that the aid is also God (not a force from God). There remains the reality that Christian grace is God's condescension, not God's granting men mercy and the chance to make it right. God makes things right, that is Christian grace.

     One morning, as I was staring out the window at the parking lot where I work, a thought came to me. The parking lot has some trees. How come we are certain that when we plant a seed of a certain tree, a tree of the same kind would come out? It is with full certainty that we would expect a dog to beget a dog, not a cat. It is built into our universe that a member of a species would beget a member of the same species. 

     I work with people and I was preoccupied with the question of how can we improve the human being- to know more or to function more independently or behave better. I ponder this question working with people with disabilities- physical, cognitive, neurological. Experience has taught me that human beings may not be changed as we expect, or they may cycle- showing good behavior then reverting back to their old ways. 

     This reality made me ponder, "What is the use of trying to improve human beings when they can't or won't improve?" I believe intellectually, as a Christian, that humans have intrinsic worth as God's creation made in his image. However, my "beliefs" did not necessarily change my bent towards being preoccupied with human change. I thought that it was important to God because he loves his creation and he wants mankind to care for his creation, and that requires that a human being become "better". I still believe this but I went too far. I correlated the value of the human being with how he is able to serve God and creation. Therefore, I wrestled with the question "How can a person who has severe disabilities find worth?"

    Then the image of the parking lot producing trees, which I assume to come from a certain seed, came to mind. The person with severe disabilites is a descendant of Adam and Eve, the first instance of the human nature. Therefore, he is also an instance of the human nature. The human nature is made in the image of God, the apex of creation. Creation is made for him and he is charged with caring for it. Just because an instance of the human nature is damaged does not make him or her any less human. God's command to love our neighbor, other instances of the human nature, as ourselves, covers the severely disabled. Love could not be conditioned on fulfillment of our expectation, but must be unconditional.  

     The bible speaks of God's faithfulness to all generations. This could be taken in a common grace way. God has goodwill towards all instances of the human nature, above the rest of creation. We must remember that and resist environmentalists who call humans the cancer of the earth. He shows his faithfulness by taking care of humans, making rain fall on the good and the bad- all instances of the human nature. We also could take this in a special grace way. The church is a special group of humanity, those who are faithful to God who revealed himself in Jesus Christ. Jesus says that the gates of hell will not prevail against it. The church will survive any attack on it because of God's faithfulness. There will always be a group of humanity to proclaim to the rest of humanity God's love, shown decisely in the person of Jesus who lived and died and rose again so that the human can be exalted to the divine- becoming what it was meant to be, the image of God.

     I recently saw a movie about a preacher named Sam Childers who built an orphanage in Sudan, near the border with Uganda. One of his controversial methods is using violence to rescue children who were abducted by rebel militia. This earned him the title "Machine Gun Preacher". As I thought about this man, I thought about Jesus, who Christian theology calls humanity's Savior. Jesus never took up arms to eliminate injustice during his time, and probably would not take up arms today to eliminate injustice. For those who are suffering violence, we could not blame them for entertaining the thought that Sam Childers may be a greater man than Jesus.

     Many of us will probably cringe at the thought that a certain man may have had better methods than Jesus, looking at it as blasphemous. However, we can also use that thought to look at ourselves. Our heroes use violence and we react with delight when a heartless criminal gets what he deserves, especially when vengeance comes with brutality. What is it about us that finds delight in vengeance? I believe it is because we have a sense of justice that the creator ingrained in us. Also, the creator sometimes uses violence himself- sending the Israelites to conquer the Canaanites as payment for the Canaanites' evil.

      God's violence shock us as heartless. As an aside, it is also possible that the harshness of God's sentence for evil maybe a way to communicate his disdain for evil. Jesus did tell his disciples to gouge their eyes out when it causes them to sin. However, his disciples did not do it. In the same way, it is possible that the brutality by which the Israelites are to conquer their enemies may be God's communicating his desire for evil be eliminated and not compromised with, not something to be carried out. Whatever the reason God commanded violence, it is because he hates evil and wants it destroyed. People like Sam Childers do their part in fulfilling God's justice. Therefore, we could not just easily condemn his method. In a way, he is a man after God's heart.

     However, we can also say this about the God of Christian revelation, violence is ultimately not his instrument for bringing justice. His ultimate instrument is reconciliation. Jesus, the incarnate God, sought reconciliation between victims and victimizers. He ministered to tax-collectors and to zealots. Therefore, his method is not to kill the bad guys, but to reconcile the bad guys to their victims. Jesus directed the violence evil deserved to himself by suffering and dying on the cross in the place of evil men, thereby reconciling evil men to God. This reconciliation is either to be embraced or rejected. 

     For those who have suffered violence, this is a hard pill to swallow. It goes against human nature. We can symathize with Jonah who got angry with God for not punishing the repentant Ninevites. We have a choice of thinking of ourselves as "good people" who stand above "evil people", or we can stand in solidarity with those we call evil, knowing that we have also done and thought evil. We have a choice of clinging to the human method of dealing with evil, fighting it with violence (beyond self-defense which is justified), or seeking reconciliation with our enemies, just as God sought reconciliation with us.     

     One of my pet peeves is the dilution of the term "slavery". I know somebody who calls his condition slavery- even though he is being paid (maybe not much as he liked) and it is not as if he has no rights to his own life (owned). I know another person who abhor working for others, because it is "slavery". I find this correlation bothersome because the complaint of being a slave is used to cover up a consistently discontented spirit or a stubbornly uncooperative spirit, not to mention belittling the sufferings of people who have been abused by real slave drivers. On the one hand, I can understand the frustration of being paid very low or not being valued at work. It does sometimes feel that we are trapped in our circumstances, and our destinies are in the hands of others.

     On the other hand, living with others peacefully requires we give up some "freedoms."  We cannot just go as we please if people depend on us. We cannot just go with our plans if other people will be adversely affected by them. This reality should be learned from childhood. The family should be a place to learn to take responsibility for others and for your surroundings appropriately. Ambition is not healthy when it drives us away from relationships and makes us resent our responsibilities. Parents should not encourage unbridled ambition (be all you can be). 

     So why am I reflecting on this. I would just want to warn us from being resentful about serving others and taking responsibility for things we never thought we had to before. To lay down our egos is the way to peace with ourselves and with others. I have learned the hard way through life that my ambitions keep me from peace. Unfortunately, my focus on my ambitions have destroyed my relationships and my own peace.

     What really helps us in not being resentful about our responsibilities is believing in a God who wants us to serve and who himself is the example of service. Christian tradition holds that God not only commands service (love) but also took on the form of a servant. Then when the servant died in service of people, to make them right, he rose again and sat on the right hand of the sovereign ruler of the universe. This shows that in God's economy, glory comes through service, specifically, the service of the suffering servant. Then, as we join our self to him through faith, we gain glory. We do not have to seek glory because the suffering servant was glorified in our place.

    There are things in life we wish we had done differently. There are decisions we wish to take back. There are words we wish had been said or not said. There are people who wish they have chosen a different career path. Athletes wish they could take back a play that cost his team a game. Parents train their children to not make the same mistakes they have made. Many people are attracted to the teaching that they will be able to live in another body again. It seems in the human spirit there is a longing to do things again differently.

     What is behind this longing? It may be the feeling of guilt or the feeling of discontent about the present and the feeling that life could have been "better".  This leads to the question, what is the "better" life? It seems it is a life lived with peace of mind- free of guilt, and also a sense of glory or accomplishment. We blame our past selves for the lack of peace in our minds. 

     In Christian theology, God in Christ took our place to die on the cross for our sins, thereby relieving us of guilt. It is also true that what God did in the person of Christ is a divine do-over. His life, as much as his death, saves our soul from the past. He lived a life free of sin (he overcame temptations), and his life is the life glorified by God (he is seated on God's right hand). Those who embrace his sacrifice are also glorified. Some may think- but sin is not what keeps me up at night?

     We long for glory in different forms- money, popularity, admiration. We feel we miss those because of our decisions. They are at best temporary, never adequate, and could be burdensome (our attachment to riches can cause us to be suspicious for example). We comfort ourselves with the thought that glory will come after death if we did not feel glorified in this life, maybe because we have been good or wise. However, Christian theology has a different take on glory. Glory came to Christ, and humanity gains glory through him- it is a gift not something to be earned. Glory is not about going to heaven per se, but having that feeling of significance and value that humans long for. Glory, in the words of scripture, is being partakers of the divine nature.  

     Some may say the Christian message is exclusivistic and offensive, in light of many religious claims. However, either humanity has to strive for glory through his own works or knowledge, or humanity can rest in the glory already gained by Christ waiting to be received. Which would really bring us peace?  

     As I sat in church, I reflected on the people who have built and attended that church. My family attends a Lutheran church which was built by German immigrants. We ourselves are not German but I realize that we presentlly benefit from the vision and hard work of Germans who built that house of worship and also started the school connected to the church. These Germans in turn were descended from Germanic peoples who, peacefully or violently, overran the Roman Empire. In search of new lands, these immigrants changed the world. At that time, many of the local Roman citizens considered the Germanic peoples a scourge. 

    However, many centuries later, one man among the many descendants of these people group became a great reformer of the Christian church, and his reforms changed western society. For example, his idea of the Priesthood of all believers, that Priests are not intrinsically more special to God, became extended to society into the idea of the rule of law, that kings are not above the law. He did not originate the idea but he is the one who providentially was placed in position to propagate the idea.

     The reality that immigrants, not appreciated but eventually becoming workers for the welfare of society, made me think of our attitude towards immigration. Immigrants are thought of as those who take resources from us and change our way of life for the worse. They are viewed with suspicion and contempt. Laws are made to keep their numbers down. Instead of cultivating nature around us to make more space for others, we would rather hold on to the space we have- literally and figuratively. Some nations are built on the backbone of immigrants (e.g Saudi Arabia), although these immigrants are restricted (no freedom of religion, no chance of becoming rulers). The dominant culture is protected from the influence of immigrants.  

     Judeao-Christian tradition promotes the opposite attitude- openness to the alien. In the Old testament, the land is to be open and the people are commanded to be kind to the alien. Admittedly, rule is restricted to Jews alone to protect religious/cultural identity. However, when the Jews were driven out of their land they were to be the model immigrants, seeking the peace and welfare of the city they are driven into- sort of a reverse openness. Therefore, this openness to the other, as an immigrant or a dominant member of society, is woven into the tradition.

     The Christian teaching that the people of God is a worldwide community implies openness to the contributions of every culture, under the Lordship of Jesus. This is the fulfillment of Old testament openness. The unity that Jesus prays for among believers, who now include people from every nation, implies that we are one with Christians whose language and culture is different from ours- they are part of us and we are part of them. This means that white American Christians should not mind learning from a black/hispanic/asian pastor. In the Christian mind, the ultimate immigrant is God himself, in the person of Jesus- similar and different to us at the same time. 

     There was once a joke I heard about the fruit cake. It is said that there is only one fruit cake which gets repeatedly regifted because nobody really wants it. I liken the Christian doctrine of forgiveness (the gospel) to that proverbial fruitcake. In Christian theology, forgiveness is God's greatest gift. It is like a treasure buried in the ground. When somebody finds this treasure, he sells everything he has to buy that field in which the treasure is buried.  

     Christmas is about God giving us the gift of forgiveness. God sends his son as a sacrifice so we can be forgiven. Forgiveness is the gospel. The natural mind, the mind without the aid of God's spirit which convicts the world of its moral depravity, devalue this gift. Of all the problems of the world, what use do we have for forgiveness? How can forgiveness feed the hungry child or prevent war? Forgiveness is like the fruitcake nobody wants. 

     I admit that in my zeal to make the gospel more palatable to the natural mind, and also because of my pride, I have robbed it of its purity to the point that denominational authorities suspected that I don't really know the gospel. I have focused on the change that the gospel is supposed to produce in a person's life and to society that I became more of a moralist, coaxing people to look at Jesus' sacrifice and imitate it. Although it is true that Jesus' followers are called to imitate him, the gospel is not a call to pull ourselves out of our bootstraps and change into better people. The gospel is forgiveness and living according to the gospel is to bask in God's forgiveness. This basking (contemplating, meditating) changes us from the inside. The gospel is to drive us to joy that overflows into our relationships. How can infinite joy coexist with anger and bitterness?

      In a popular parable, the parable of the talents, a master leaves his servants treasures that they are to invest. Two servants did well but one didn't (he just hid it). The master was pleased with the two servants. Many preachers look at this parable as something about stewardship, using the things that God gives (material things, talents, etc.) us in a proper way, for his glory. I suggest that we look at this treasure as forgiveness. Forgiveness, the restoration of relationship with God and with others, is the treasure. How do we invest this? By letting the message of the gospel "You are forgiven" permeate our lives and other lives so that we and them change. In that way, the gospel grows as a mustard seed grows into a tree.

     I know I haven't arrived yet. I still need to appreciate God's gift even more and I need God's help to make that forgiveness make a differnce in my life and in the life of others. May this Christmas be a time when we grow in appreciating this gift of forgiveness, embodied in the baby in the manger. 

     As we approach thanksgiving, I just want to share some thoughts about why it is hard to be thankful sometimes.

    First, for many of us, our expectations of life are much higher than the rest of our world. I remember taking a shower and expecting warm water to come out when I turn the faucet one way. Then I remember where I grew up in the Philippines, we did not have warm water coming out of the faucet. You will have to warm it yourself or just tolerate the colder water. I think about all the insurance we have. We expect to have life insurance, health insurance, auto insurance. Many people in the world don't even think about insurance. Unfortunately, our governments and circumstances sometimes make us have higher expectations. States mandate auto insurance. The federal government now mandates health insurance, and with certain benefits that some people find to be more than they need (and costing more). Healthcare costs are so high that health insurance has become a necessity. If it was not so high, we would not be in this place of "needing" insurance in the first place. Our world and our own flesh raise our expectations about life to unnecessary limits, and these expectations drive our anxieties, anger, depression. 

     Second, our sense of self-reliance prevents us to see our connectedness to the rest of humanity. One character flaw I have is wanting to do things on my own, and not to have to ask help from others. I realized that my sense of self-reliance has made my thank-yous shallow, since there is a part of me that says I could have done it myself. However, we should remember that a vast majority of things we need to live are there because of the work of other people (good or bad). Think of roads we use everyday. Those who build them work so we can drive easily, and even more, we don't have to make them ourselves. You may say we pay them, but that does not detract from the amount of toil it takes to make roads, a burden we don't have to bear. Unless we admit that we can't do everything- that we need other people's kindness, toil, talents; our sense of gratitude will be shallow and we will not appreciate others deeply.

     As we reflect on thanksgiving, let us remember that most of us have more than what is needed to live, we have so much extra "things" that we should feel overwhelmed with gratitude. Read up about life in pre-modern environments where order and resources are scarce. Let us also humble ourselves and remember that we can't meet all our needs, that other people are involved in getting our lives together. We are dependent on each other for our physical and emotional needs. Hopefully, our gratitude will make us open our hearts to others. 

     In one episode of the show "Everybody Loves Raymond" there was a scene that bothered me deeply. Ray's parents accused their future in laws (Parents of Robert's future wife) of only tolerating them because they don't want to go to hell but want to go to heaven. I felt that is really offensive, considering that the only "blatant offense" of the future in-laws were being religious. I thought that was very judgmental. As is usually the case, when I encounter strong reactions within me, I step back and try to analyze what was offensive about it.

    It is unfortunate that people think just because someone is religious, his only motivation is going to heaven through being good on the outside. Some religious people are better than that. Understandably, that sentiment may have been fed by religious people who only work on being good outwardly, but not inwardly. They probably have acted "nice" towards people, but behind those people's backs. they are very unkind. This is a terrible misunderstanding of what, according to Judeao-Christian tradition is necessary to go to heaven. In this tradition, we talk about the circumcision of the heart. It is not enough to be kind outwardly, but that kindness must also come from a kind heart. Anything less is violation of God's law and is grounds for God's judgment. Therefore, the one who truly wants to go to heaven must work on having a kind heart, not just being kind outwardly. The problem is, it is hard to be kind in the inside. In our own power, we cannot defeat the forces of contempt and/or resentment that makes us unable to inwardly be kind to others. That is why in Christian tradition, people are called to repent and depend on the grace of God to bring them to heaven. Without that grace, no one can come into God's presence in heaven.

     The person making an allegation that somebody is just being nice because he wants to go to heaven is judging a person's heart. Unless one has evidence that a person is thrashing him behind his back, this allegation is uncalled for. "Nice" people may genuinely be working on their hearts and not closet hypocrites. I guess Ray's father takes pride in being real, in treating people the way they feel from their hearts. Basically, be nice to those you like and don't be nice to those you do not like. However, to live this way is antithetical to the life God calls humanity to. God calls humans to love their enemies, to be gentle to everyone whether you feel like it or not. Being "real" may seem cool but it does not make it the right way.  

     I am a person who struggles with regret. I sometimes wallow in regret, thinking of how life could have been if I had taken different paths. I sometimes envy those of my former colleagues or classmates who seem to be growing in their careers, instead of being stuck for different reasons. When I pass through memorable places or hear music from the past, regret comes to me like a dagger in my heart, causing emotional pain. 

     I just want to share what I learned from my battle with regret. I have come to embrace more and more my lack of control of the future. This is both scary and comforting. It is scary because it means that life can fall apart at any moment. Disasters and disease can hit me and my loved ones and I can't do anything about it. On the other hand, it is comforting because lack of control releases me from having to live life "perfectly". I know that my best efforts could amount to nothing, at least according to my limited knowledge, and that in a way is freeing.

    More importantly, I have learned to value the present. I think about the joyful moments with my wife and child that would never have happened if life had taken other turns. I see the faces of children whom I have helped through working in residential and in school settings. I see the faces of adults whom I have helped through my work as a chaplain here where I am at (not where I want to be). I remember that I would not have been there for those people if life whould have taken a different path. It could be argued that I could be doing the same "things" in other contexts, but I realize that thinking like that devalues those people I have helped. The people God gave me to serve where I am are precious in his sight, and I must find joy in serving them. 

    Perhaps most importantly, I was forced to look at what is really important. All my pursuit of the "perfect" life work is about wanting to be significant. In my better moments, I could see that my life is significant. That is because God used me to show love to others, and that should be enough. Many times I have thought, "how can this world or this child be better?" I am realizing that maybe focusing on making things better or making others better is not really the point of life (it just burns you out) but just to show forth the image of God in your world. Maybe showing love, kindness, gentleness, joy, peace, self-control, is really what life is about. I know I will still battle with regret, but I will strive in finding joy in what God is doing in me in the present- enabling me to show forth love, kindness, gentleness, joy, peace, self-control.