As I got home and greeted my daughter, she excitedly told me how she was commended by her teacher for paying attention in school. My heart was filled with joy knowing that my daughter cares about pleasing me. See, the day before we had a talk about paying attention to others.

     I imagine God is also joyful when we care about pleasing him. He does reward those who seek him. However, I can't help but think that God wants more from us than to please him, even if  the desire to please him is borne out of love. He commands his people to be holy as he is holy. He wants his people to share his holiness. He promises to write the law in his people's hearts. He wants his  law not just to be an external motivation but an internal drive for his people. He cares that we conform, not just out of desire for reward or fear of punishment, but because we share his heart.

     The search for reward or fear of punishment is not necessarily pure fear devoid of love. If we do what God says because we want good things in our lives and don't want bad things in our lives, that may be wise, but that is not love. However, if God's pleasure is a reward in itself for us, that is love. And if his displeasure in itself is displeasing to us, that is loving fear of the Lord.   

     I then got a glimpse of my task as a parent. I don't want my child doing the right things just because she wants a reward or is trying to avoid punishment. Reward and punishment could be tangible things (treats or timeouts), but could also be intangible things that communicate approval or rejection. Our children crave those too, and even as adults, we still crave those intangible rewards, whether we admit it or not. We will always desire appoval and shun rejection in our own ways. A parent's smile and loving look is an intangible reward that communicates pleasure. A parent's frown and demeaning talk is an intangible punishment that communicates rejection. Those intangible rewards and punishments stick to children's psyches even after adulthood and the death of their parents. Although its great that my daughter loves me enough to care about what I think, I want her to do the right things because she shares God's heart, and hopefully my heart as it reflects God's heart.

     One day I and my wife will be gone from this world. Its possible that my daughter will still live her life seeking approval from us, even though it would not be as obvious. We will just be voices and images in her heart. I hope that she will go beyond those voices and images, and find herself sharing the godly values we inculcated in her. I hope also that she will reject those ungodly values we may have, in our weakness, inadvertently communicated to her. God is the one I ultimately want my daughter, not just to please, but be united with in her heart.

    While my wife and I are still alive, I pray that we are humble enough to remember that God is the one she is ultimately to be like, not us. I pray that we are humble enough to realize that, because of our remaining sinfulness, she may be ahead of us in discerning God's heart. We may have to see God's heart  in her heart.